


Beauty with a Gun

by TheLanceShow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Boys Kissing, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Shiro (Voltron), M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Graphic Smut, Original Character(s), Pining Lance (Voltron), Pining Shiro (Voltron), Pray for me, shance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLanceShow/pseuds/TheLanceShow
Summary: Two totally sophisticated spies go on a hunt for a rare flower.Said spies are totally not into each other.At all.Guess what? They're pretending to be married.





	Beauty with a Gun

**Author's Note:**

> What is this. Don't leave me alone for 24 hours writing without going over my work.

"Hell no." He growled, pressing his heel down a tad harder on the man's neck. "Not another one."

_"I am the director! You will do as I say."_

The man clawed at Lance's leg and he eased up. "Wanna talk?"

"Fuck you." He hissed then spat on Lance's foot. Lance shook his head and put the full pressure of his foot on the man's throat.

"Where's Sylvia?"

He wheezed.

"That's not a fucking answer!"

_"Lance, what are you doing currently?"_

"Trying to extract information," He ground out. The man struggled, pulling at Lance's ankle with his good arm. Lance stomped on the wound in his arm, causing a loud scream to echo through the room. "Listen, man, this is your fault. Do you want to end up like your buddies?"

_"Lance, you haven't killed anyone, right?"_

"...no. Why would you think that?" He stared at the man. "Just tell me where the girl is and you'll have at least one functional limb."

 _"You know we have a strict 'no kill' policy!"_ Allura snapped. _"You can't just murder people!"_

"Wouldn't have this problem if they would just cooperate." Lance sang. He glared down at the man. "Here's the deal: tell me and I won't kill you."

_"You won't kill him either way!"_

"Tick tock," Lance muttered, picking up his foot. The man took in shuddering, rapid breaths. Lance cocked his gun, silencer in place. "You have one second. One." He shot the joint of the man's lower and upper arm.

He howled and Lance blinked at him as he crouched, pointing the gun to his forehead. "Where is Sylvia?"

"On 88th and Central," He whimpered. "In the abandoned little sex shop."

Lance smiled. "Thank you!" He said sweetly before the gun went off. "Damn, dude didn't break easy."

 _"Did you just shoot him? Twice?"_ It was Shiro's voice now and Lance sighed.

"Nah, the dude is fine. Right, Mister Bad Guy?" Lance asked the dead man. "Of course," he said in a deeper tone.

He heard a small huff and imitated the puff of air louder.. 

" _Lance, you have to stop doing that."_

"What, getting rid of the bad guys for good? Sorry, _Daddy_ , I didn't realize that was a no-no." Lance smirked when he heard Pidge laughing in the background. "I'll be back to base in a day or so."

 

Lance picked at his nails as his partners looked at the pictures he took. There were gasps and gagging, Hunk once prayed.

"This is..." Allura trailed off. "How many people did you hurt?"

"Started with five, ended with ten," He drawled, hands in his pockets. He shrugged when they all stared at him. "It will come back to bite us in the ass if we don't stop that 'no kill' rule you have going on."

The corner of Keith's mouth quirked up. "Lance has a point. Eventually, someone will run their mouth."

Pidge shrugged and shot a rubber band at Lance's face; he caught it with a frown. "He's right."

"How did you make sure that no DNA was left behind?"

"Well, you see, I killed the first guy. Then I put on a swimming cap and pretty much bathed in his blood," He pretended not to notice the disgusted looks of his colleagues. "Then it was smooth sailing. Let me tell you, that girl fucking screamed when she saw me. Took a while for her to realize I'm trying to help her."

Allura looked to the ceiling and counted to ten before she glared at Lance. "You know what? You did your objective just fine. Not the normal way, but you did it."

"Thank you, your majesty."

"But about your next assignment." Lance groaned and let himself fall into their couch. "I really need you to go."

"But why do _I_ have to go with Shiro? You're the director and a field agent. And, you know, actually a woman?"

"I need to be here the night of the party," Allura said flatly. "You'll need me to guide you."

Bullshit, but whatever.

"What about Pidge?"

"Katie is too small to go with Shiro. It would look odd."

"Keith has a smaller waist than me, and he's shorter."

"Keith has to be somewhere else. Listen, Lance, it's expected." Allura sighed. "You'll be wearing a masquerade mask. You have full lips, pretty blue eyes. Hips wide enough to pass for a woman and slender shoulders. Your legs are long and smooth, no bulky muscles. Your butt is quite fine and not all women have big breasts. You're good to go."

Lance glared at the floor. "Fine."

Shiro shuffled in his spot. "Sorry if you're not comfortable in this situation, Lance. I didn't want to, you know, inconvenience you."

"Don't worry about it, Shiro," Lance smiled. "It's just that... For the last three missions, I've been posing as a woman. It's just kind of annoying."

Allura clapped to get their attention. "Pidge and Keith. Go get the gear ready." They nodded and left the room. "Now, Lance and Shiro. You're going to have to call Shiro by his first name."

"Why?" Lance asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"To sell the couple ploy better. You met at a gala. You can make up the rest of the story. Lance, your dress is in that room," Allura pointed to a black door. "Shiro, you may change here. Your masks are there as well. Put them on before you get into the limo."

Lance sighed then gave a mock salute before going into the room.

He examined the make-up on the counter, the black dress and velvet black pumps, the gorgeous mask. Black, elbow length gloves were draped over a chair. 

This would be fun.

* * *

"You look very handsome, Shiro," Allura complimented, running a hand down the lapel of his jacket. "This suit is very becoming on you."

"Thanks," He deadpanned. The woman had her eyes set on him for a while. He didn't have the heart to tell her he was gay. "I like the plain white mask." 

"Yes," Allura agreed. "I'm happy that you pushed your white hair back. It pulls it together with the red tie."

Shiro was getting tired of speaking about himself. His eyes widened when Lance walked into the room, heels clacking.

He had to physically stop himself from whistling. He had never known a man to look so attractive in a dress.

Full and bright red lips pulled into a coy smile. Black winged mask with accents of white. Curly hair straightened into a thick and slightly wavy bob. Sapphire stone dangling earings hung next to small diamond studs.

The dress was sleek and long, falling to the floor. A dangerous slit ran up to just below his hip. His pumps were velvety and high, smooth legs flowing and flexing with every move. The top half had folds over the chest, creating an illusion that maybe there was something under it. A thick, shiny silver chailmail choker adorned his neck, hiding his Adam's apple. Long, black gloves made of silk stopped at his elbows.

"So how do I look?" Lance asked with a smile. He twirled in a circle and Shiro choked. There was no back to the dress and it stretched down to the dimples of his spine. "Pretty great, right? Only took fifteen minutes."

"I'm jealous!" Allura laughed, walking towards Lance. "You must tell me how to do make-up. How do you stand in those heels so effortlessly?"

"I only put on lipstick," Lance's eyes flickered to Shiro's for a moment. "And you have me doing so many undercover missions like this, so.

"How am I supposed to carry a gun on me, Allura?" Lance looked around the dress, lifting the covered side. "In the folds of my fucking fake tiddies?"

"We have a clutch for you to carry with two rounds. It's a standard glock." Allura handed the black, sparkly clutch to Lance. "We also have one you can strap to your right leg since it's not exposed."

"Allura, this dress is too smooth," Lance pointed out. "It will show. I took it into my own hands to defile the platforms. I opened under the balls of my feet and put a small switchblade in each shoe."

"You ruined my red-bottoms?!" Allura shrieked. Lance shrugged with a small smile.

"Shiro," Lance said softly, and he was startled to find that he sounded like a sultry woman. "Is my voice convincing enough?"

"Very, yes." Shiro cleared his throat. "Are you ready to go?"

"Wait," Allura stopped them, handing a beautiful diamond ring to Lance and a plain, black iron band to Shiro. "You guys are married. Lance kept his last name because everyone calls Shiro, well, Shiro. Lance, your name will be 'Lana.'"

"Alright," Lance muttered, sliding the ring on. Shiro did the same.

"What's your objective?"

"Find the Cordina flower in the mansion. Bring it safely to Berlin by tomorrow." Lance rolled his eyes and briskly walked to Shiro. "Let's go, hubby."

They walked out of the room together. 

When they got into the limo, Lance surprisingly graceful, Shiro pulled out two earpieces. He held one out to Lance.

"Oh, thanks," He grinned as he placed it into his ear.

"You look really good, Lance," Shiro said, securing his own earpiece. "Like an exotic woman."

"I am exotic," Lance scoffed and placed his purse next to him. He crossed his hairless legs. "Please don't think of me any differently as I tell you this, but... Allura made me wear lacy panties."

"Why?!"

"She said that if I accidentally flash someone, it'll be more believable. I just don't want you to be shocked or anything." Lance mumbled. He looked out of the window with a sigh. "This has to be our most ridiculous mission yet."

"Yeah," Shiro's voice cracked. "It's just a flower. Anyone could have done this."

"Exactly. Where are your weapons? In your jacket pockets?"

"Yup."

"You look incredible, by the way. Wasn't sure if I told you."

"Thanks." Shiro whispered. They rode the rest of the way in silence.

The car pulled up to the curb and Lance made a grab for the handle. Shiro grabbed his wrist. He looked back curiously.

"Let me open the door for you," He said. "If anyone is watching, it will look legit."

Lance nodded and placed his clutch in his lap. He let go of the handle. Shiro quickly got out on the other side and opened the door. He handed Shiro the purse and held out his hand with a smirk.

Shiro grinned and took the hand, helping him out. Lance took the purse back.

"Remember, I have to call you by your first name, okay?" Lance whispered, looking up at him. "Don't freak out on me."

Shiro stared at the blue eyes blinking up at him. "Of course, Lana."

"Nice," Lance smiled and Shiro offered him his elbow. He placed his left hand in the crook of his elbow, other carrying his purse in front of his dress easily.

At the entrance, the burly bodyguard asked for their first and last names.

"Takashi Shirogane," He answered.

"Lana McClain," Lance said, voice switching into a woman's.

"This is only for married couples." The bodyguard said.

"I kept my last name because my husband has people call his by his own."

He regarded them carefully and let them pass. Lance sighed, red lips parting.

"How did you get the ring to stay on?" Shiro asked. "Wouldn't it slip right off?"

"There's a grip in the inside," He glanced at Shiro. "Allura thinks things through." Lance frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Of course," He answered gruffly. Lance shivered slightly as he took in the guests. It was quite full.

"We're looking for Mr. and Mrs. Murray. Red dress, white suit." Lance whispered, thumb rubbing on Shiro's arm. He cleared his throat. "We need to speak to each other for the people."

"What do you mean?" Lance seriously sounded like a woman and it was freaking him out.

"Since they love us so much," Lance laughed, the sound full of fake glee. "Because they're staring, love."

"Love?" His cheeks were turning pink.

"Jesus, Takashi," Lance shook his head and widened his eyes in a 'roll with it' gesture. "Pet names,  _silly."_

"Right... right!"

"Is this your first time at a mansion?" Lance bit out. It sounded like 'is it your first time on a mission, you fucking moron?'

"Of course not," He said smoothly. "I've seen much bigger."

"Then act like it, sweetie."

"Yes, darling."

They walked around the ballroom for a while, trying to pick out the hosts of the party.

Suddenly, a couple appeared in front of them. They matched the description that Lance had told him seamlessly.

"Hello," The man purred, and Shiro had a feeling Lance raised an eyebrow under the mask. "And who might you two be?"

"I'm Takashi Shirogane, but please call me Shiro." He held out his hand. The man had a strong grip.

"And your beautiful woman?"

"He's my husband and my equal; I am not an object," Lance smiled cooly. "I'm Lana McClain."

"May I ask why you kept your name?" The woman asked faintly. 

"Takashi-" Shiro tensed then relaxed. "-likes to be called by part of his last name. I'd rather it didn't sound odd, wouldn't you say?"

"Very true," The man said. He was running his eyes up and down Lance's body. They stopped at the slit in his dress.

Shiro could feel the irritation radiating off of Lance.

"Your mansion is quite small."

"Your attitude is quite crass."

"I'll show you cr-" Shiro gripped Lance's chin and turned it towards him. He saw the blush under the ornate mask.

"Baby, can you get me a drink from the bar?" He asked with a soft smile. Lance returned the gesture and Shiro felt his breath stutter.

"Of course," He said quietly. "What would you like?"

"Just a glass of water," Shiro whispered. Their faces were getting closer.

"All right," He breathed. Someone cleared their throat and Lance slowly pulled away. His lips were parted as he glanced at the married couple. "Pardon me, my husband is thirsty."

"Seems so." The husband smirked. Lance walked off gracefully towards the bar on the right side of the room. Mr. Murray watched him go, even as he leaned across the counter, exposed leg absentmindedly bent.

"So, Mr. Murray," Shiro started. The man's attention snapped back to him. "What is the occasion for this event?"

"No reason." He hummed. "Your wife is-"

"I apologize for her attitude. She's just-" Shiro held down a cufflink. "-very fiery and can go too far. Sometimes she's confrontational but I will  _ask her to stop."_

 _"Hey!"_ Lance hissed through his earpiece.  _"I wasn't gonna fight him! He's sleazy and I would expect my husband to come to my defense. Whoopsie fucking daisy."_

"I don't have a problem with it," Mr. Murray waved it off. "She's very feisty. It's nice." Shiro let go of his cufflink.

Lance returned, hips swaying as he made his way over. He gave Shiro his ice water with a mischevious grin. "Here, honey. A nice cup of water, filled with my love." 

"You two aren't very physically affectionate, are you?" Mrs. Murray commented with a frown. "It's strange."

"We don't want to be... improper," Lance smiled. "Of course, if you wouldn't mind, I would be glad to put on a show."

"Lana," Shiro laughed tightly; he chugged the small glass of water before continuing. "What are you doing?"

"They are the hosts," Lance said as he grabbed Shiro's elbow. "We would do as they say to attend the party, right, dear?"

"It's not very believable," The wife commented. "I would like to see some proof. You seem like the type to be lovey dovey."

"Oh."

Lance and Shiro said at the same time. The both of them were blushing, barely visible with the masks.

Shiro turned and grabbed Lance's gloved hand. Lance went with it, turning to him with an encouraging smile.

"Don't act so shy," He whispered, grabbing the back of Shiro's neck. He dragged him down, lips going to his ear. "I look like a woman, don't worry about popping a boner."

"You know I'm gay?"

"Duh."

"Lance I know it's you, I wouldn't be able to help it."

Ah, fuck.

Lance pulled away with a cocked head and flushing cheeks. "Unexpected," He breathed, then pushed his lips to Shiro. 

He didn't care as his hand dragged up Lance's leg, how messy his hair was getting from Lance running his hands through the top of it. He sighed, fully enjoying the physical contact as Lance's breath hitched when Shiro pulled lightly at the hair hidden from view.

"-enough!"

Shiro pulled back with an embarrassed gasp, that disgusting sound of lips breaking contact hitting his ears. Lance looked sated, eyelids drooping with a lewd smile on his lips. He sighed and Shiro noticed his lipstick was slightly smudged.

"That was nice!" He ran a thumb over Shiro's jaw. "You're wearing my lipstick."

"Wow, I miss that passion I used to have with my wife." Mr. Murray chuckled, the sound bitter. His wife winced and scowled at the floor.

Shiro coughed lightly. "May we clean ourselves up in the bathroom?"

"Yes, of course. There is one just past the bar."

Lance nodded and blinked slowly before turning on his heel. He took slow steps as he headed to the bathroom.

"She's quite the charmer, isn't she?"

"Please refrain from making comments about Lana." Shiro followed after Lance, placing the glass on the bar counter as he went, putting a hand at the small of Lance's back. Lance jumped slightly.

"We can scout a little." Lance whispered. He held down the stone on his left earing. "Keith, my man. What's the layout of this place?" Shiro tuned his earpiece in to the channel.

_"The bathroom you're heading to is pretty big. Good job with that kiss, by the way. I'm being sarcastic."_

"Too much?"

" _Yes_."

"Whatever, man. Layout."

_"There's a guard at every room that isn't the bathroom. I'm not sure how you'll sneak past them."_

"I have my ways. This is an official mission, right?"

_"Yeah, why? Wait, don't kill anyone."_

"No, no. I'm just saying, if someone dies, we're not to blame."

Keith sighed. " _Try to look as inconspicuous as possible. Be careful, guys."_

"Thanks, buddy." Lance let go of the earing. "Ugh."

Shiro opened the door and Lance walked in, scratching the back of his neck. He followed him in.

"This is the size of my living room!" He hissed, turning in a circle. The marble floors shined. A bathtub the size of a hot tub sat in the middle. An impractical stainless steel toilet sat in the corner and twin glass sinks stood on the other side with a large mirror on the wall. "Is that a sauna? What the cheese?!"

"Lance, hurry," Shiro whispered, walking to the mirror. His mouth popped open when he looked at his face. "What did you do to me?" He whimpered.

"Eh," Lance shrugged and strolled to Shiro, lifting that taller man's mask off and placing it on the counter. "A good job, I think."

"I look like I was drunk and decided to put lipstick on." He rubbed at his face, trying to get it off.

"Stop, you're gonna make it worse." Lance dug through his bag and pulled out some wet wipes. He placed it in Shiro's hands. "Clean with this."

Shiro watched as Lance untied his mask and placed it on the counter. He grabbed a wipe and cleaned his face off, then ran a hand through his hair.

Lance glanced at him. "What?"

"You look like a dude again," Lance beamed at him. "And sound like one."

"I'm glad I do."

Shiro wiped his face as Lance quickly reapplied his lipstick cleanly. He inched closer to Lance when he put the wipes and make-up in next to his gun.

"Shiro?" Lance asked, eyes wide when he leaned down.

"Again," He whispered. Lance's eyes searched his.

"Do what again?"

"Kiss me."

"You want me to..." Lance held his breath for a moment then looked down, cheeks flushed. "Shiro, we're here on business."

"That doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves," Shiro picked Lance up and placed him on the counter. Lance's breaths were coming out shallow. "Does it?"

"It does." Lance nodded, gripping the counter tightly. He made sure to close his legs. "We have to-"

"Find the flower," Shiro said, easily separating Lance's knees; he stepped in between them. "And bring it back to its origin."

"No," Lance croaked as Shiro stepped in between his thighs. He ran a hand up his bare skin. "Keep it professional."

"We're posing as a couple, correct?"

"Yes."

"Let's play the part a little better." He smirked as he leaned forward. Lance kept his eyes locked on Shiro.

"Playing..." Lance wrapped his legs around Shiro's hips abruptly and pulled him closer. He cupped the back of his neck and brought him forward. "That's what we're doing."

The first press was shy, much more than the previous one. Lance became impatient, moaning and bunching up Shiro's jacket, tie wrapped around his hand. Shiro couldn't stop touching Lance wherever he could. Lance was shameless as he grinded against Shiro, biting his lip in the process.

"Stop," Shiro gasped when Lance undid the buttons of his shirt and sucked at the skin. "Lance."

He hummed before scraping his teeth under Shiro's ear. He made a whining sound as Lance continued.

"Shiro," Lance breathed into his neck.

"W-what?"

"Fuck me."

Lance pulled on the lapels of his jacket, looking Shiro in his eyes. His pupils were blown wide, the usual ocean blue almost gone. He was flushing, a wanton smile on his lips.

Shiro stood silent, simply staring at the smudged and bright redness on his lips.

"I-I can't." Lance blinked at him. "I-"

"You have a not-so-little problem in your pants." Lance grinned wolfishly and reached down, unbuttoning his pants and undoing the zipper.

Shiro rested his forehead against Lance's hot, bare shoulder.

 

Lance opened the bathroom door happily, humming to himself and he held it open for Shiro. His cheeks had a pleasant amount of color, shown even under the mask.

Shiro walked out, eyes wide as he saw Mr. Murray in the same spot they left him despite the crowd. His wife was no where to be seen. Lance held onto the crook of Shiro's elbow as they walked towards him.

"How long were we gone?" Lance asked the man curiously. He licked his lips. "I hope not too much time was wasted."

"I'm curious as to why it took twenty-three minutes to clean up some lipstick stains, but it's no problem." Mr. Murray smiled. "There are still stains on your clavicle and the collar of your shirt."

Shiro could practically feel the lipstick on his dick pulsing.

"Yes, well. My hair got wet so I had to restyle it. I guess we didn't clean as well as we thought."

Lance's hair didn't get wet, there was just a lot of pulling.

Shiro vaguely wonders why Lance didn't take a single article of clothing off; he didn't even touch himself.

Mr. Murray's eyes shifted from Lance to Shiro. "Would you two like a tour?"

Lance looked at Shiro innocently. "Takashi?"

"Yes, darling?"

"Are you going on the tour with Mr. Murray?"

"Will you not be joining us, Lana?" Mr. Murray asked. His dark eyes scanned Lance's body again.

"I would rather converse with the other women here," Lance said, eyes locked on Shiro's. "Maybe find Mrs. Murray."

Shiro flushed down to his toes. He had been looking into those eyes when-

Nope. Not going there.

"Yeah. Okay. I will."

Lance stared at him, clearly unimpressed, before he pressed a light kiss to Shiro's cheek. "See you in a bit." He leaned towards his ear. "Don't fucking forget the mission, Shiro."

He walked off, looking behind his shoulder and biting his bottom lip then winking; Shiro could hear the little 'ding' that would accompany it in a show. Mr. Murray whistled.

"I wish my wife looked like that."

Shiro clenched his teeth and smiled. "Show the way."

* * *

Lance had spotted her as soon as they had reached Mr. Murray. The dainty woman sat at the bar with a crystal glass in her hand. After Lance had left Shiro to his own devices, he immediately sat next to Mrs. Murray at the bar.

"Mrs. Murray!" He chirped, startling the woman. She looked up. "Why are you sitting here all alone?"

 _"What the fuck were you guys doing in the bathroom?!"_ Pidge screeched in his ear.

"You can call me Jamie." She smiled kindly, green eyes dim behind her red mask. "Where is Shiro?"

"Your husband is giving him a tour." Lance grinned. "Can you give me one?"

Jamie raised her eyebrows. "Me?"

"Of course."

"Usually guests wish to speak to Otis." She sighed and took a sip of her drink. "He's the real charmer."

"Your husband is an asshole." Lance drawled and smiled at the bartender. "May I have a dirty Shirley Temple?"

"Yes, ma'am." He winked.

"I know he is," Jamie frowned into her drink. "I don't... nevermind. Where did you want to start?"

 The bartender slid the drink to Lance and went to the other end of the bar. A napkin was under it and Lance took it out to find a phone number.

"I thought everyone is supposed to be married here." Lance muttered. He picked up his martini. "The kitchen would be nice."

Lance looked over his shoulder at Shiro. They stared at each other for a moment before he looked away. Lance frowned.

"Lead the way, madam." He smiled and sipped his drink. "After we finish our drinks, of course."

 

"He's been cheating on me!" Jamie yelled. Lance was glad the hallway was empty save for the bodyguards at each door. "Like, honestly, I can't blame him. I'm not the most attractive woman..." She played with the mask in her hands. She had taken it off long ago.

"You're kidding, right?" Lance asked, scanning the doors. He squinted at a black cherry wood door. It was different, though Lance couldn't figure out why. "You're gorgeous."

Emerald green eyes and strawberry blonde hair, the woman was a sight to behold. It fell straight and thick over thin shoulders. She was incredibly curvy with a flat stomach and small waist.

"No," She replied, waving her hand. "Otis likes exotic women. Maybe that's why he likes you. You have a tiny accent."

"He's missing out on a great woman." Lance smiled and Jamie's eyes twinkled in the dim hallway. 

" _You're_ a great woman," She replied. "So many men were staring at you. It's totally unfair. That dress is to die for."

Lance shrugged. "Not really. It would look better on you."

"I'm too pale!" She said loudly. "Your skin tone is perfect. You're so beautiful, I hate you."

"I have no tits."

"But it works for you!"

Lance laughed as Jamie stared at him.

"I have something to tell you." She whispered, leaning close. "You can't tell anyone."

"And what's that?" He grinned; he decided that he enjoys Jamie's company.

"Otis totally wants to fuck you," She said, holding a finger up to her dark red lips. "I have another secret."

"I'm listening."

"I like women," She snickered when Lance let out a surprised laugh. "Here's the main bedroom! Let's go inside."

She stopped at the different door and smiled at the bodyguard. He handed her a key and she unlocked it, pushing the heavy door open. She closed it after Lance.

"This is amazing," Lance grinned, taking in the large room. "Awesome." His expression faltered when he saw the Cordina flower in a silver pot on the nightstand.

" _Lance!_ " Allura said into his earpiece. _"You cannot trust Mrs. Murray. Go to the bathroom."_

"I know right?" Jamie sighed. "I wanna live in this room with someone I love."

Lance gazed at her fondly. "I'm sure you will." A light flush covered her cheeks. "May I use your restroom?"

"Yes," Jamie nodded. "Don't take too long."

Lance hurried to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He pressed down on his earing.

"What's the problem?"

_"She's the one who received the flower. Meaning she's in with the German spies."_

Lance cursed under his breath. "I can't hurt her like that. At all. I won't."

_"What do you mean?"_

"Did I fucking stutter? This woman is a sweetheart, okay? Her husband is an asshole and if we can pin this on Otis--Mr. Murray--then we should."

" _Lance..."_ Keith trailed off. " _She's a loose end. She needs to get taken care of."_

He growled under his breath and turned off his comm. When he emerged from the bathroom, Jamie was sitting on her bed, shoes off and blinking sleepily.

"Why haven't you taken off your mask?" She asked. "I wanna see all of you."

Lance bit his lip and walked towards her. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I think you should sleep, Jamie."

"You didn't answer my question!" She whined; Lance eyed the key in her hand.

With gritted teeth, he reached behind her. She looked at him with wide eyes, not realizing that Lance had taken his gun out.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, then knocked her temple hard enough for her to pass out with the butt of his gun. She slumped onto the bed and Lance swiped the key.

"Fuck!" He cursed. "How am I..." With a groan, he threw the door open and stepped out of the room, key in his purse.

"Where is Mrs. Murray?" The bodyguard asked.

"In her room, sleeping."

"Please come into the bedroom as I check."

Lance followed behind and noticed the way the guard tensed up when Jamie came into view. Blood trickled from her temple and the spot was already swollen, an angry red bump forming.

He turned, "You-!"

Lance jumped and swung his leg up. He hooked his knee around his neck and swung on it, dragging the guard down to the ground along with him. Lance pressed on his earing as he dodged a kick and sprung to his feet.

"Keith!"

_"What's wrong?!"_

"I need-" Lance grunted when the man pulled at his ankle with both hands, causing him to fall to the ground. He jumped back up then kicked him in his testicles. "Scramble all communications with the bodyguards."

 _"You got it_."

He kicked Lance in his stomach and he gagged, laughing hysterically. He took off his shoe as the guard came to his feet, then ran at him, switchblade poised.

* * *

"There's an ice cream room for the baby that Mrs. Murray is having." Mr. Murray explained, turning the knob. Shiro deadpanned at the white and pink room filled with ice cream machine's and a worker.

"This is sort of odd," Shiro commented, hands behind his back. "Is a fresh soft serve necessary?"

"Well-"

The rest of the sentence was not heard as a loud groan resonated through his ear. 

_"You mother fucker!"_

Shiro smiled tightly, nodding at Mr. Murray. He seemed satisfied as he continued speaking.

 _"Bet! You can suck my left toe-"_ a grunt, then a crack and scream. " _Ohh, believe me now you-"_ Lance yelped.

A dark laugh. " _Try me."_

Shiro was beyond his wits end. He wanted to rush to his aid but sadly, he could not.

 _"If you bruise my thigh, I will dig my fingers into your eyes. Don't!_ " A muffled scream. " _I told you. Don't wake up Jamie. Hello? Oh, you're dead. SHIT. Wait, you're not!_

There was a clacking sound, a curse, then the sound of choking. _"Thank God for garters, amirite? Gotta remember to put this back on for Big Daddy."_

A minute later, there was silence. Then a deep sigh from Lance.

 _"Are you all right?"_ Keith asked. He sounded incredibly worried.

_"Yeah, man. Shiro's talking to Otis, so I'll contact him."_

_"Lance, seriously. Next time you have to take on multiple people at once, call for your partner!"_

_"I took on ten last time!"_

_"Last time, you didn't have a partner!"_

Shiro barely listened to the bickering of Lance and Keith as he tuned back into the conversation. Mr. Murray was looking at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry, I missed that. Come again?" Shiro smiled.

"I was just wondering if you'd let me sleep with your wife."

Shiro blanched. "Uh..."

_"Shiro, where are you?"_

"Let me think about that for a moment." Shiro muttered, squeezing his cufflink. "I can't believe we're in the north west wing on the third floor. Honestly, the biggest mansion I've ever seen. I don't know what Lana was talking about." He let go.

"Yes. So, about Lana?" Mr. Murray asked, crossing his arms. He stepped out of the room and Shiro followed. "May I have your permission?"

Shiro stared at the host for a while. He didn't say anything, instead making eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time.

The loud and rapid sound of heels clacking brought both men's attention to the end of the hallway.

Lance's hair flowed back as he dashed towards them. He was smiling widely as he ran in his heels--surprisingly fast--leaping forward into Shiro and wrapping his arms around his neck. He held him carefully with a surprised chuckle. Lance pulled back with a grin.

"I missed you," He breathed, eyes twinkling in the way that only happened after he took someone down and breath fast. "Very much, baby."

"O-oh?" Shiro stuttered. He flushed when Lance hummed, playing with the small hairs at the nape of his neck. "And I you."

"About my proposition?" Mr. Murray asked with a patient smile.

Lance took his arms from around Shiro's neck and settled them gently on his chest. Shiro kept his hands around Lance's waist loosely. He glanced at Mr. Murray, gaze inquisitive.

"How about your wife?" Lance asked, mouth twisted into a frown. "Aren't you curious as to why she isn't with me?"

"Oh, yes. Where is my wife?"

"She drank a bit too much," Lance said lightly. He glanced at Shiro. "I put her to bed... only for a little while."

Thank God he didn't kill her.

"What offer did you make?" Lance asked, turning and leaning his back against Shiro. He guided his hands so they wrapped around Lance's middle tightly. "Did it involve me?"

"I would like to know if you would be willing to have sex with me."

Lance blinked then turned his head to look at Shiro. "What."

"Mr. Murray thinks you're very beautiful," Shiro chuckled nervously, avoiding Lance's accusing eyes. "He would like to take you to bed."

"...excuse me, I need to discuss this with my husband in private." Lance moved Shiro's hands off of him and pulled him into the nearest room without a guard. It turned out to be an all white bathroom.

"I found the flower." Lance punched Shiro in the arm, smiling. "Let's politely refuse and we can grab it, then dip."

"Lance," Shiro sighed. "We have to know where he got the flower in the first place." Lance pouted at him.

"I need you to come here," Lance crooked a finger and pulled it towards himself. Shiro stepped forward and Lance grabbed the lapels of his jacket.

"What's wrong?"

Lance looked up at him, eyes hooded. "I get horny after I beat the shit out of someone."

Shiro jerked back, eyes wide. "No. No no no. One time. That was one time."

Lance hopped onto the counter and crossed his legs. "But it doesn't have to be."

Shiro stared at his legs for a moment before shaking his head.

"We need to talk about what you're gonna do with Mr. Murray."

"I'm not having sex with Otis," Lance scoffed, tilting his head and regarding Shiro carefully. "Did you think I would?"

"No," Shiro crossed his arms. "But you need to get it out of him."

"Can't take him to his bedroom."

"Why?"

"There's a heaping pile of dead people in there, fuck you think?" Lance shifted on the counter, biting his bottom lip. Shiro glowered at him. "I can act excited enough so we can go somewhere else. Another bedroom."

"That will work." Shiro nodded slightly. Lance's silk clad fingers tapped on the marble counter.

"Come on, real quick?"

"I... Lance, once we're done-"

"Nevermind. You're right. Let's go." Lance hopped off, pushing past Shiro and opening the door. He was agitated but grinned when he saw Mr. Murray.

"Was it a good decision?" Otis asked. He had his fingers crossed behind his back.

"Of course," Lance checked Otis out half heartedly. "Nearest bedroom?"

 

Shiro stepped into the room and raised an eyebrow. Lance had asked him to come in and the guard let him through. Now he was looking at a naked, tied up Mr. Murray.

"What did you do?"

Lance pursed his lips and placed his hands on his hips. "Didn't wanna strip. There would be a problem if I did."

Each of Mr. Murray's hands were tied to a bed post with Lance's gloves. His legs were spread apart, tied to the poles with a black garter and a pair of orange mesh underwear.

"Where'd you get the panties?"

"Obviously from the dresser; they're not mine." Lance said, then sat next to Mr. Murray. "So, _monsieur_. Where did you get it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He glared.

"Now, Otis," Lance scolded. "I won't have to hurt you if you tell me where you got the Cordina."

"Why are you so interested?" Otis asked. "What do you want with it?"

Lance rolled his eyes and took off a heel. He opened a compartment and took out a switchblade.

"I will carve my initials into your fucking skull." Lance hissed. "Where did you get it?"

"Whoa, calm down-" Shiro started. A shoe went whizzing past his head, the heel grazing his ear and sticking into the wall behind him. "Nevermind."

 "I won't tell you; they'll kill me! I guaranteed their immunity."

Lance gave him a condescending look and kicked off his off heel, going to straddle Otis.

"I don't think you understand me correctly," Lance said slowly. "I can make your life a living fucking Hell if you don't tell me. I wouldn't kill you; no, that would be too easy. You would live in pain, and eventually, die in it." Lance lightly ran the knife over Otis's collar bone. "Just tell me, sweetheart."

Otis's eyes switched from Lance to Shiro before he opened his mouth and began to scream. It lasted barely a second before Lance pushed his jaw up angrily and slapped him across the face. The man didn't have time to react as Lance pried his mouth open and sliced off his tongue with ease.

He stared at it with a frown then moaned loudly. Shiro stared at him in shock.

"A scream of pleasure? I don't know." Lance shrugged and pursed his lips as Otis choked on his blood. He pushed his head to the side, causing the blood to spill out of his mouth.

"What the  _fuck?"_

"Yah?" Lance glanced back at him.

"You... you can't just _do_ that!"

"I just did. Are you blind? Keep up, Shiro." He threw the tongue on the floor. "Didn't think that through; now you can't speak. Does Jamie know?"

Otis nodded, crying as incomprehensible sounds left his mouth.

"Okie," Lance climbed off of him, expression bored. "Don't worry, I won't kill you." He turned to a gaping Shiro. "I'm gonna go hide the bodies in the closet in Jamie's room. Then wake her up. I'll not be using the same method of interrogation."

Lance put the bloody knife back into his shoe and hopped off of the bed. The look in his eyes was deadly as he reached behind Shiro slowly and removed the shoe.

"Are you okay?" Shiro whispered. Lance cocked his head. "Do you need a break?"

"I'm good." He said as he slipped his shoes back on. He stretched his arms over his head and grabbed his purse. "Are you coming with?"

"There's nothing else to do."

Shiro followed Lance as he opened the door. Lance pulled out his gun and attatched the silencer quickly before shooting the guard in the head. He did the same for the other two in the area.

"Can I ask why it's so easy for you to kill?" Shiro asked quietly, stepping over the large man on the floor. "Or torture?"

"I didn't grow up in the best part of Cuba," Lance said, voice monotone as he continued. "Had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do. Now it doesn't matter so long as I don't have any emotional attachments to them."

They turned two more corners and Lance took a key out of his purse, opening the door.

"For fuck's sake."

Four men, much larger than Shiro, were in various states of being, well, dead. One had all of the bones in their limbs broken and had a bright red mark around his neck. Another's eyes were empty, pools of blood in her eyes sockets and--oh God--his actual eyes were placed neatly on his chest. The most tame one had many puncture wounds in his throat.

The one that made Shiro cringe the most was the man with his pants pulled down, dick chopped off and stuffed into his mouth. His wrists were slit from his wrist to his bicep.

"I'm gonna be sick," Shiro gagged, covering his mouth. "Jesus Christ."

"Jamie!"

The poor woman shook on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest and body quaking. She flinched at her name, looking up in alarm. Tears gathered in her eyes when she saw Lance.

"L-Lana?" She hicupped. Lance managed to leap over the bodies and sit on the bed, pulling her to his chest. Shiro spotted the dried blood and black and blue bump on her temple. "What's going on?"

"I'm so sorry, baby," He whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I'm so, so sorry."

Mrs. Murray stared at Shiro as he avoided the bodies, swallowing thickly.

"Jamie," He started, wincing at the blood on the wooden floor. "We have some questions for you."

 

"He told me," She whispered, clutching the blanket tightly and leaning into Lance, staring at the silver flower on her nightstand. "He told me where he got it."

"Where, honey?" Lance sighed, kissing the top of her head. "Where did he get it?"

"Berlin," She responded, clenching her eyes shut. "He said he hired some special people to take it. Said it showed his love for me."

"You have to come with us, Jamie," Lance stated, lips pressed into a determined line. "They will come after you. We plan on going to Berlin with the flower and returning it. I need to protect you."

 _"Lance, she can't go with you guys."_ Allura said.

"Do you have any suitcases?" Shiro asked gently; Jamie nodded.

"In the second closet, under the largest couch. It's already packed. One with money and the other with my belongings."

"Why is it already packed?" Lance asked softly.

"When I found out about the flower, I packed. I know how rare it is. I know only the highest of the hierarchy have it." She gazed at the floor. The dead guards were stuffed into her first closet. "I knew something would happen.

"Did you kill them, Lana?"

"...yes."

"Did you knock me out?"

"I'm sorry-"

"Just get me out of here!" She sobbed, hiding her face in Lance's chest. "Please."

Pidge sighed. " _Whatever. I guess she's going with you."_

 _"Hunk has a change of clothes for you in the limo_ ," Keith growled. " _If you don't come back, Lance, I swear to God-"_

Lance glanced at Shiro. He held down his cufflink. "He's preoccupied. But he signed 'of course, Samauri.'"

Keith laughed.

"Shiro, grab her stuff." Lance turned to Jamie. "Do you have clothes to change into?"

She nodded and Lance helped her up. They headed towards a large pastel dresser. Shiro went to the closet, eyebrows raising beneath his mask as he took in the vastness of it.

He found the full suitcases and went back to the main section of the bedroom. Jamie was dressed in pajamas with house slippers. She resided on Lance's back.

"This went by faster than previously thought," Lance grinned. "Guess what, baby? We're gonna run to the limo." He picked up the plant with his left hand, the other hooked under Jamie's leg.

"But you're carrying a full grown human, Lance."

"Jay's only 5'2". Easy peasy."

Before Shiro could respond, Jamie snatched Lance's purse and he sprinted out of the room. Shiro followed closely behind.

"Victory screech!" Lance giggled.

 A series of 'olulu' left Jamie's mouth. It wasn't long before guards were chasing them. Shiro was awed that Lance was laughing full out, the sound of pure glee resounding through terrified screams. 

The limo doors were already opened. Lance practically ripped Jamie off of him and tossed her into the car. Lance followed, placing the flower carefully on a shelf and catching the suitcases. Shiro hopped in and shut the door just as the gun shots began.

"That was fun and terrifying!" Jamie laughed, hiding her smile behind her hand. She placed the pursed next to her on the seat.

"All in a day's work. I can't believe you went along with the victory screech." Lance grinned.

"I'm actually a child. Couldn't you tell?"

"You're probably my soulmate."

"And you're probably mine."

"Lance!"

Hunk rolled down the privacy window and glared. "Your flight is at twelve tomorrow. Three tickets now. Don't pull some shit like that again. Come change."

He glanced at Jamie before nodding, crawling over to Hunk. He opened the small entrance to the front and closed it behind him.

"Did that man call her Lance?" Jamie frowned.

Shiro averted his eyes and made himself busy by taking off his jacket and mask. An awkward minute passed before Lance crawled back out, wearing Deadpool pajama pants and a plain gray shirt with Adventure Time house slippers. He was wearing no makeup, mask put away somewhere, hair back to its usual curls and shortness.

He sat next to Shiro, twindling his thumbs. Jamie's mouth popped open.

"You're a guy?!"

Lance laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Surprise?"

"Are you guys really married?"

Lance scoffed with a wave. "No, no. He's just my partner in the mission."

"Really?" Jamie raised an eyebrow. "That kiss looked pretty real."

Lance smirked at her. "Who said it wasn't?"

"Lance," Shiro hissed, shoving his shoulder. His cheeks were hot and Lance peeked at him coyly, sporting a flush himself. "Didn't you say this was a business plan?"

"You weren't complaining when-" Shiro slapped a hand over his mouth. Lance narrowed his eyes at him.

"When you had less conventional plans of taking care of the guards? Precisely!" He squeezed out a laugh. Lance elbowed him in the throat, causing his hands to leave and claw at his neck as he choked.

"You must have forgotten the field I work in." Lance drawled, reaching over and crawling to Jamie's side. He looked back and smirked as Shiro's face.

Why was he being tortured?

"Darling, I'm sorry. The invitation was very... discriminatory. It said no to gay couples." Lance wrapped an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him. "Undercover, you know? You're a good person." He looked at Shiro. "Do you know why Allura used our real names?"

"Because it's official," Shiro answered, rubbing his throat. "We're covered. The big man won't be happy with the way you handled it, though."

"I did some pretty good handling tonight." He wiggled his eyebrows and winked.

Jamie giggled and looked up and Lance. She really was small. "I like you."

"It's a shame that you're gay."

"Never said I was," Jamie pointed out. "I just said I like women."

Lance hummed and rubbed her arm. Shiro found that he was jealous. "Soulmates. You should sleep, Jamie. The hotel is two hours away."

She huffed and pushed Lance towards Shiro. He laughed as he sat next to him; Jamie glared at him playfully and laid down, turning her back to them. Within ten minutes, she was snoring softly.

"Do you have feelings for her?" 

Lance looked at Shiro incredulously. "I don't understand how you're so dense." He muttered, pulling out his phone. He punched in a number and his colleagues appeared on the screen.

" _Thank fuck."_ Pidge sighed.

 _"How many people died?"_ Allura asked.

 _"If you died, I would've started necromancy just to kill y'all again,"_ Keith snapped.

"Aw, sugar baby. Were you worried about me?" Lance cooed. Even through the dim screen, Keith's flush was visible. 

 _"No shit!"_ He growled, stalking off away from the camera. " _Can't fucking stand him!"_ Shiro heard him say in the background.

 _"Ah, young love,"_ Allura sighed. _"I miss it."_

"Oh, no," Lance shook his head frantically. "That bus is no longer in service for me and Keith."

" _Yeah_ ," Pidge agreed. " _For a while_."

"What do you mean?" Shiro asked, glancing at Lance. 

"Keith and I dated in high school. Then the asshole decided to leave outta nowhere. Turns out that's when he joined Voltron." Lance shrugged. "It was eight years ago. When you recruited me, remember how I beat the shit out of him without him fighting back? That's why. Rivalry my ass."

_"I'm not an asshole!"_

"Don't lie to yourself, sweetheart."

 _"God, you should've seen them,"_ Pidge laughed. " _They couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Especially in gym; they used to sneak away and-"_

"Lance, I need you up here." Hunk called.

"Be right back, guys. Sorry, princess, I didn't keep count." Lance patted Shiro's shoulder, handing him the phone and headed to sit with Hunk, closing the small door behind him.

"Allura, I need to speak to Keith. Alone." Shiro said urgently. Pidge raised an eyebrow when Allura simply nodded and went off screen. Keith was visible a moment later. "Pidge?"

 _"I'm not leaving_." She scoffed. Shiro sighed.

"We had sex." Shiro deadpanned. Keith groaned and handed Pidge a twenty dollar bill. Pidge cackled as she took the money. "You made a bet?"

 _"Wait, oral or anal?_ " Keith asked, squinting.

"Oral."

Keith smirked as Pidge curled her lip, handing the money back.

"He swallowed," Shiro's voice cracked. "Like, all of it."

 _"Yeah, I would know-"_ Pidge elbowed Keith in his gut. " _I-I mean... oh, really?"_

"I think I like him." Shiro said quietly, ducking his head.

 _"No shit?"_ Pidge rolled her eyes. " _Did you just figure this out?"_

"What? What do you mean?"

 _"It's pretty obvious that you like Lance."_ Keith crossed his arms, expression broody. _"Can't believe the two people I care the most about like each other."_

 _"Hey! I resent that_." Pidge scowled at him. Keith simply shrugged.

"Do you still... have feelings for him?" Shiro asked, playing with his white hair. He winced at how weak his voice sounded. "Just out of curiosity."

Keith hesitated. " _Yes_ ," He murmured. _"I can't help it. I was in love with him when I left. I just never really got over it, you know? It doesn't help that he still acts the same._

 _"I'll support you, Shiro."_ He sighed with a sad smile. " _Don't worry about it."_

The window slammed open, startling Jamie awake. Lance looked furious on his hands and knees. It was the kind of look that everybody on the team was afraid of. When Lance was legitimately angry, he tended to act rashly and violently.

"Allura just told me," He started, teeth bared. "That you decided to tell the team that I sucked you off _and_ swallowed." Jamie gasped and Lance glared at her. "Yeah, I sucked his dick. Because after that 'fake kiss,' Shiro wanted another one. And another one. So I kissed him on his cock. I swallowed his man sauce. I choked his chicken. My lipstick stains are still on his phallic member.

"And let me fucking tell you," Lance glared at Shiro. "I'd do it the fuck again."

Keith burst out laughing, Pidge following after. The sound filled the car as Lance's nostrils flared and he shut his eyes.

Jamie stared wide eyed at him, lips parted. "You're together?"

"No," Lance smiled sarcastically. "Dumb-dumb over here is an oblivious fuck."

"But you gave him a blowjob!"

"Yup." Lance smiled as he looked at the phone. "Thanks for the support, guys."

 _"Lance,"_ Keith wheezed.  _"Jesus Christ. Say it again so I can record it."_

He snatched the phone from Shiro, grinning down at Keith. "For you, Keef? Of course."

 _"Are you actually going to?"_ Keith asked.

"No."

Pidge rolled her eyes and cut off the video. Lance sighed, throwing his phone onto the seat. It was silent in the car save for the rumbling of the tires on the road.

"So-"

"I'm not talking about this right now. I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me up when we get to the hotel."

Shiro watched silently as Lance laid down on the seat, closing his eyes. After an uncomfortable moment, Jamie did the same.

He was left alone to think.

About what?

He didn't know where to start.

 

NOW WITH FANART OMFG SWEETHEART SLAY ME I LOVE IT

**Author's Note:**

> https://meatvorer.tumblr.com/
> 
> Follow them?? ^^
> 
> I LITERALLY SCREAMED??
> 
> SOMEONE MADE FANART FOR THIS FIC??????
> 
> OH MY G O D
> 
> (guess I should link my Tumblr...)


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